jumping off the cliff

a year ago, i had made a pact with a friend of mine to "jump off the cliff". to us, that entailed putting our faith in what we believed in whether it be justice, happiness, or our patient's health. the point was to not only think and believe in certain ideals, but to push ourselves into action by somewhat jumping off blindly, and letting the wind (our ideals) guide us. to not be inhibited by what others think, to not be inhibited by our own insecurities, and to stay on the cusp of action, and to live in this world as the way we wish to see it, always looking to gain in experience or knowledge.

during this past year, i have gone up and down in the wind, as one may suspect, at times getting caught up on a branch, or even plateauing. i would, however, like to think that because of this thought, i have pushed myself harder than i ever have to be my ideal. whether it was applying and getting rejected by many global health fellowships (though eventually getting one), being a clown with patch adams, or standing up to my seniors and attendings at the hospital.

this year, i have rethought this cliff metaphor, and am ready to go again. i have made a commitment to positivity, to not be stagnant in my thoughts of idealism, and to push myself with small actions everyday. i am going to share some small examples of what i've been doing in hopes of spreading the cliff metaphor.

- While jogging near my apt complex, i always jog (half out of breath as usual) past something called the "Life House". I never really knew what it was but it always had a group of people sitting outside. While seeing an old lady sitting outside, i decided to go up to her. we began talking, and she told me how the house was meant for those that were disabled but lived independently. within minutes she was telling me about her life, her family, and how she'd love to cook a souther dinner for me (or maybe i asked her if she would but still). a similar episode happened the next day i was jogging. this time a 40 yr old guy that was HIV+, had suffered a stroke recently, however felt blessed everyday of his life that he was living and able to share his story with others. it's amazing how much strangers can share within a short amount of time, and how much we can gain by just talking to those who we might not think to talk to. we all have something to gain from each other if we are willing to stay connected. this thinking was somewhat inspired from patch adams and his method of meeting people by picking up a phone book and just calling random numbers. though it is a skill doctors have to get accustomed to because of our profession, it doesn't mean we take advantage of it. the key is to have a dialogue and listen.

- i picked up a can from the street so i could recycle it.

- while driving by the convention center, i saw a sign that said "WORSHIPFEST", free admission. since i have a lot more time these days, i thought why not? i went inside, and the lights were dimmed, with a christian rock group belting out lyrics praising jesus. people were twirling, dancing with flags, hands in the air, singing along. though at first, i was inclined to think what the hell (no pun intended) is going on? however, i then thought to how they would probably think that me praying on a floor is equally ridiculous, that others praying before an idol is crazy, or that jews at a wailing wall made no sense. we all think of ourselves and our culture/beliefs as normal sometimes, and miss the point of thinking that everything is relative. this is a huge point/topic but i will leave it at that.

- i acted on my own, when a nurse wasn't around, to put a bed pan under a patient. though this is a seemingly small task, it was big for me as far as acting on my own, and "doing a nurse's job" which those with white coats are sometimes not inclined to do.

so this jumping off the cliff thinking is very relative to who you are as you can see. everyone's actions are going to be personalized to what they envision as their ideals and who they want to be. however, the key is to liberate yourself from what others may think and your own insecurities to get closer to your own truth.